stayed over at jiali's hse.
find out more in jiali's blog.

--
i know i'm pathetic,
thinking about what is there to think.
stupid way to think,
wrong things to think.
that's what i know and you know.
but i am me,myself.
and i cannot control myself.
the fact is that i still hate you and that i still think that you are a big flirt.
that still sounds pathetically jealous.
and yes,
that's just plain jealousy.
you have almost half the school people backing you.
and every other people are just peasants.
you are important in every other people's eyes.
and others are just flights of stairs to getting to know you.
i don't know if i really make sense or not but i'm just furious.
i can say i'm being unreasonable like that.
but i still can't understand why people treat you better than the others.
and i don't think you yourself understand also.
i never want to think that you're a flirt.
but that's the only reason i can think of,
why are you so popular?
i don't understand why you can get what you want and i get all this..shit.
i don't know what else to say.
i tried to like you,
i tried to treat you like you're my friend.
but i can't.
the hatred is still there.
i have to say this,
you don't have to mind this post cos it's just pathetic jealousy on my part.
i'll still continue to try liking you.
but there's little chance of me,
turning the right way like people say to liking you.
there's a possibility of me turning one whole round and still back at square one,
hating you.
i have to say sorry first for whatever rumors i might come up with.
fcuk.
--

i can be strong i told myself.
and i thought that i would be happier,
now that i'm strong.
but,
i don't know whether i'm happy or not.
i think i'm happy with my friends.
but that doesn't include really liking every other people.
and i'm sorry that people who reads my blog still has to put up with my hatred for other people.
i'll try to like them.
i swear i will.
i might not succeed.
but,
it's not 100% that i will fail.
my own theories.
ignore me.
i made that promise to myself and my friends.
i will be strong,
i will not cry,
i will not cut myself.
i will not hurt myself.
and i will keep those promises.
yes,i will.