i've heard this phrase over and over before when i watched "Honey".
Lil' Romeo said it.
it meant that promises meant nothing.
and it's true.
i always thought i'm like Jennifer Alba's answer,
saying "mine do" to whoever take Lil' Romeo's character.
but i just realised something.
i'm not like her.
if i say that mine do,
i'll just be lying blindly to the other person.
i kept my bad points well,
deep down in my heart,
where i don't even know i have,
until my friends discovers them for me.
in an indirect way.
i did a little reflection the last weekend,
and i seriously think that i'm just plain rubbish.
junk,unneccessary being.
in chinese,
i describe myself as "zhu gou bu ru".
which meant that i'm not even worth as much as a pig or a dog.
of course i don't,
i mean,
animals will always be the best,
think about it,
animals are there for you when you need them,
but it's like they're made for human to eat,
they were given birth,
and then they were treated cruelly and slaughtered to eat.
that's how we thank them for giving all that we need.
---
in another case,
owners make promises to their dogs,
that they won't ever EVER leave them alone,
or lose them.
but did they?
of course they did,
they broke their promises because they want to go out with their friends.
and they leave their dogs at home,
even after they made their promise to their dogs that they won't leave them alone.
and they ignore the dogs pitiful cries.
and then,
you lost them,
as if trying to find them was enough.
and you can't even find them.
and you make them think that you don't want them anymore.
that's the saddest thing that dogs think would happen to them other than suffering from cruel acts from humans.
well,
i was the person who made that promise.
and i was also the one who lost him and who left him alone.
and i still couldn't find him.
making those EMPTY promises was the worst thing i've ever done.
and losing him,
is the thing i regret most in my whole life.
and crying for him and missing him don't do anything to bring him back either,
---
another case.
some people make promises to their best friends,
saying that they'll not leave them alone and they will understand them.
they will treat them nicely and never do anythin to hurt them.
and guess what,
they still did.
they did the worsest thing.
they criticised them in their faces,
they leave them alone when they most need you and then give a stupid excuse for not being there.
they were always the ones who don't understand them but act as though they do.
and lie to their friends that they really understand.
they hurt their friends,
and then again,
make up some darn excuse to get away with it.
and that person,
again,
is me.
you know,i've always thought i was the best friend i've ever knew.
but know what,I'M NOT.
but you can see,
that i'm a PERFECT bitch.
i blame others for whatever wrong i've done.
i'm such a terrible person.
i get angry at people when they don't do things my way.
---
sometimes,
i just think that,
i don't deserve a life in this world.
i don't deserve to be a living thing.
i don't deserve to have friends,
or anybody to care for me.
---
no matter how much philosophies i study,
no matter how many books i read.
no matter how much advices i heard.
no matter how much i learnt.
no matter how people say that i'm not bad.
i still think that God made the wrong decision to give me a life.
people always say,
no matter how bad some people are,
they deserve to be alive.
because God has a reason to everybody's life.
but sometimes,
i was just thinking,
maybe God made a major mistake by letting me have a life.
i could have taken somebody else's chance to have a life.
that's another sin.
sometimes people say "God must have loved him alot to have taken him back up so quickly".
when their loved ones die.
is it true?
or is it just because God realised that he made a mistake to let them have a life and he quickly took them back?
and i was one of those people who escaped?
or is it just that God haven't realised his mistake yet?
or is it really true that people die early because God loved them too much to suffer on Earth?
so it's that i haven't got the suffering i was meant to take,
so He didn't take me back up?
somebody tell me.
why do people say that friends are family whom God had forgotten to give us?
we usually fight with our family members,
or argue.
and is that the reason why friends also quarrel?
or is it just that we are not meant to be friends?
but if friends are family God had forgotten to give us,
if that's really the case,
how did the phrase "blood is thicker than water" came about?
from a buddhist?
because he didn't believe in God's words?
and he chose to go against Him?
did God take him back to keep him in a jail then?
is Heaven really that sweet?
is death,still life?
---
why do people make promises that they know they cannot fulfil?
is it just that they want to assure the person?
but won't it just hurt them more when they can't fulfil them?
why do people have different conceptions of life?
isn't it just life and death and then that's the end?
why do we have to have books,friendships,family,reasons?
what's life about?
about having these things and then not bearing to leave the world?
why does God have to create these things to make things this way?
what's death about?
is it that all people have to go to hell?
or heaven?
to meet the Hades King,
or to meet the mighty God of ours?
why do some people discriminate against malays,singaporeans,chinese?
is it only because that they are jealous of them,
like americans do singaporeans who go to their countries?
or is it because they heard things from other people?
like singaporeans do people from china who were said to be 'crows'?
why is there love?
---
there are millions and millions of questions that i cannot list down.
if anybody would even care or bother to tell me the answers,
please,
kindly send your answers to my email,
crystal_eyes78@hotmail.com

i'll really appreciate it..
thanks alot..


thanks God for giving me this life nevertheless.

"I am weary with my moaning;
Every night i flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.
My eyes waste away because of grief;
They grow weak because of all my foes."
-Psalms 6:6-7