no use telling me those things.
because you don't mean them.
no use trying to console me,
cos you're making things worst,
by telling me things that is untrue.
stop using us as excuses,
we're not going to be bad influences because of a useless thing.
stop ordering us around,
friends are not to be that way as you said.
stop being so selfish,
you should try to help at least a little.
stop being so easily irritated,
you'll irritate people that way.
---
i can find so much faults with my friends.
and i couldn't accept them as who they are.
so i'm not being a good friend.
how can i say that i'm a good friend when i'm not?
i couldn't lie to them anymore.
---
people don't love me who i am either.
there'll always be something they hate about me.
some people just hate me totally.
i don't think i like my friends too much either.
i know people change.
but i can't accept the change in them.
like huilin,
she changed alot after knowing leslie,
she can still say that she changed not because of leslie,
maybe it's really not because of him,
no offence to leslie.
but,i hate your change huilin,
i seriously hate it,
and i won't deny the fact that i do.
and jiali,
i hate the way you're so proud about yourself.
maybe it's because of the fact that you're confident about yourself and i'm jealous of that confidence you have.
i hate the way you get angry so easily.
you hate,or rather is afraid of my hots and colds,
you too,have your moods,
and it wasn't very pleasant to experience either.
i hate it when you can so some things but when i do,
you get irritated.
i'm not asking you to change,
you've been like that since i knew you.
and i don't think i can adapt to this also.
i'm sorry to be only picking out faults from both of you.
but i'm really very disappointed in myself.
that i'm being such a lousy friend.
you know,
when Glenda was quarrelling with me,
she once said "Do you think you're a very good friend?You don't treasure your friends either!"
and i denied.
i said whatever good things that i've done to you guys.
but i threw the things i did bad to the back of my brain.
until facts have to be accepted,
that i'm that lousy.
---
i make myself act like a good friend but i'm actually not.
that's why i only have so little friends.
but now,
i don't call them friends anymore.
friends understand each other,
they knew what each other like and dislike,
they knew what would upset one and would avoid that.
they probably may understand,
but i don't understand them.
i don't really know what they like or dislike.
i know what would upset them but i choose to say it.
i'm really lousy.
they are my acquaintances.
people whom i don't actually know.
i only recognise their faces and their names.
that's all.
---
i don't say that this is the end of our friendship.
but let me tell you,
this post,
is not to state how much i hate you guys or what i want from you guys,
or what i want you to change.
it is to state how lousy i am,
and how you guys should stop treating me as friends.
just ignore me,
stop messaging me,
stop smiling at me.
that's all you have to do.
and leave me out of everything.


byes.
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Waiting for the arrival of that day...